Archived Posts

A sampling of past posts.  Enjoy!



My page seems to attract alot of people who are very angry and/or confused.  When faced with a post, question, link or opinion of mine, they respond with insults, fallacies and quite frankly, really strange connections.  So I’d like, if you would indulge me, to take a few minutes to clarify some things.

1.  I am not a ‘libtard”.  Although to be honest, I don’t even really know what a libtard is so maybe I am.  Is it a combination library-custard stand?  I’m a virgo who is very particular with my condiments so it can’t be a Libra-Mustard Lover.  Ohhhh wait, I think I get it now.  Its a mash of up Liberal and retard.  So if someone doesn’t like my opinion they merge my political affiliation with an outdated, derogatory word for someone with mental deficiencies.  Interesting.  The 1950s called, they want their ignorant verbiage back.

2. I do not want to move to Somalia, Iran, North Korea or Russia.  I disagree with some of our nation’s policies and attitudes, yes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy the many wonderful things the US does well.  I do not hate America. I don’t like onions but I still love to eat.  I don’t like the Spiderman Franchise but I still love movies.  I don’t enjoy my kids’ ceaseless questions about lava and the sexual habits of our pet bunny but I love them with all of my heart.  So find a new argument. Anyone who uses it sounds like a petulant child who states they hate their family and wishes them all dead because their mean mom made them eat their broccoli.

3. I do not want to take away your guns.  I hate guns.  I went to the range once with my husband and the only thing I hit was the proverbial side of a barn.  They are deadly, loud, scary and obscenely easy to get.  But hey, if that’s your thing and you are not a criminal, you have an IQ over 80, like to kill helpless deer and think you need an assault rifle to protect your Bud Light can collection in your suburban man cave, go for it.  Let’s just make sure there are some rules.  Like there are with cars.  Licence and registration.  Written test. Proficiency test.  Health requirements and liability insurance.  So to review…I do not want to take away your guns.  I want to try to prevent a massacre in my kids’ math class.  Deal?

4.  It is 100% impossible to simultaneously be a marxist, communist, socialist, freedom hating, liberal hippie, bleeding heart scumbag.  Ya gotta pick one and stick with it.  Its a bit like calling someone an ugly, beautiful, man, woman, prude, slut.   If you would like to use one of the listed descriptives, go with Socialist.  That’s closest to what I believe in.  I’ll also take bleeding heart liberal as I consider that a compliment!

5. I am not stupid. I am neither a dumbass, nor an idiot. While I freely admit I can’t do math to save my life, I feel as though I am well educated, well read and logical.  I have even been called clever…by people outside my immediate family no less!  I don’t profess to always be right, I don’t think I will be featured in Stephen Hawkins’ latest tract but I think I can hold my own.  Not sharing your opinions does not make me stupid.  It makes me different.  And that’s what makes the world go ’round.

5.  Just because I believe in gay marriage, I do not want to see men marry goats.  Although if you think about it, that’s kind of a sweet deal.  Free milk and cheese!  Although the cost of hay might offset the benefits.  I know the difference between homosexuality and pedophilia so, yes, I am cool with gay people in the boy scouts and stand by that decision.
6. I am not the devil incarnate.  I am not a baby killer.  I do not hate Christianity.  I don’t sacrifice the children of republicans and I don’t sympathize with terrorists.  I was not raised by wolves.  My head is not in the sand, nor is it up my ass.  I do not think Obama is the Messiah and I do not have a life size poster of Nancy Pelosi hanging in my bedroom.  I am an American.  I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister, an aunt and a friend.  I believe in God. I think its okay not to.  I think religion can be a tool for incredible greatness and indescribable evil.   I don’t get enough sleep, work incredibly hard and just want my kids to live in a happy, healthy, safe, tolerant country.

Peace out

Dear Elected Officials:
This is a copy of the letter I sent to Marco Rubio, Rand Paul, Ted Cruz, John Boehner, etc…

Dear Sir:

Just a quick note to let you know how much you have inspired me over the past two weeks.  I know you must often get angry letters full of contempt and hatred so I wanted to take a few minutes out of my day to give you a metaphorical pat on the back and thank you for allowing me to re-evaluate how I’ve been living my life.

Last night my husband and I couldn’t decide what to have for dinner.  He wanted steak, I wanted shrimp.  Rather than compromise by having a lovely surf and turf meal, we took a page from your playbook and threw out everything in the refrigerator.  It felt so good we took it one step further-we cleaned out the pantry and burnt up all the food.  You should have seen the smoke from the bonfire- it was so beautiful that it completely distracted us from the hunger pains! We decided it was a win-win.  No one had to be forced to eat something they didn’t like and freedom prevailed!

After dinner I sat down with my son to do his homework. He had to write a short story with a Halloween/scary theme.  He couldn’t decide between vampires sucking the blood out of every citizen or the rise of the tea party.  After realizing that was redundant he threw a fit and declared that homework was “stupid” and most likely illegal.  He claimed he couldn’t find anything in the constitution or the bible regarding homework so once again we emulated the republican house and ripped up his notebook.  I e-mailed his teacher explaining that her insistence that my son learn anything was infringing on his right to be an ignoramus and unless she immediately stopped we would burn down the school. I realized my only option to avoid having an educated child would be to pull him from school.   I un-enrolled him so we would have more time to laugh about the global warming hoax.  Since I will be home schooling him from here on out, our first field trip will be tomorrow.  We’re gonna go to the beach and throw plastic bottles in the ocean.

When my alarm clock went off this morning I decided that being forced to work is really un-american.  There are some things about my job that I really don’t agree with so I instituted my own shutdown. I’ve declared myself non essential and will be sleeping in.  The more I think about it, the more it seems like that’s what you guys are doing so I must be following the right path.  Don’t do anything and complain about everything.  I can really get into this!

As I continued my life as a tea party elected official, I saw injustices everywhere.  Went to go fill up my car and decided gas was way too much.  Drove my car into the nearest ditch- problem solved. Went to buy milk for my now uneducated kids and couldn’t believe how much it cost.  Screw them- calcium is for losers.  Mountain Dew is so much cheaper- problem solved.

Since I had so much free time I binge watched FOX news.  Pretty much spent the whole day on the couch learning about the Muslim agenda, the scary liberals and the evil first lady’s attempt to grow fruits and vegetables. The nerve!!! Michelle Obama isn’t gonna tell me to exercise..when I have a heart attack from obesity and lethargy I’m just gonna cruise on over to the ER.  I lost my insurance when I shut myself down and I’m sure as hell not gonna sign up for Obamacare.  Cheap, good coverage???  What kind of schmuck do you think I am??!?!

As the day closed out the entire family spent a fun hour at the gun range.  We had nothing to eat, we had no healthcare, we were becoming less and less informed everyday but we had plenty of ammo.  It was a perfect day.  Living in ignorance while seething in anger has been so fun!  Here’s hoping you keep the government shut down for as long as possible.  Who needs a 401k plan anyway….
Game Over

Dear House of Representatives:

Sincere congratulations for making what is most likely the biggest political blunder of all times. Congratulations on letting 30 malcontents succeed in shutting down the Government for no reason what so ever.  While you are looking at poll numbers, I will be anxiously waiting to see how many people signed up for the ACA today.  I’m guessing the number will be huge.  And your experiment in temper tantrum throwing will have been all for naught.

Oh yes, you have won some tremendous victories today.  Garbage in DC will pile up.  A very fitting metaphor, no?  Your complete hatred of all things science and culture gets to take a victory lap around the closed up museums and learning centers- kudos!

Mazel Tov on collecting your paychecks this Friday.  May you spend them in good health!  You might want to take some of your earnings and donate them to food banks.  The 800,000 people who will not be getting their paychecks this Friday might appreciate your assistance.  (And since you cut food stamps as well, your 8 month old dusty can of peas might actually help someone who is slowly starving to death in your district). I know how much you despise the moochy poor people who vote for you because you scared them into thinking Obama was a crazy Muslim gun hater but do you really need all that soup in your pantry???

Good work on letting your hatred for the president take over your brain function.  Do you actually believe you hurt him?  Did any of you watch the morning news?  The top story was 4 minutes on the shutdown.  The next story was almost 8 minutes on how to sign up for Obamacare. On Morning Joe they spent almost 15 minutes talking to the head of the Florida exchanges.  (Federal, not state, because Governor Voldemort blocked the state ones.)  He could not contain his excitement talking about the information centers, the ease of the website and the large amount of money Floridians will save.  Florida went for Obama in 2008 and 2012.  Remember?  So a special shout out to Marco Rubio and Rick Scott for siding with the buffoons.  I’m hoping  Disney adds a new attraction next year…The Extinct GOP’s Wild Ride. Here’s how it plays out…  You climb into your cart outfitted with broken seat belts and an AM only radio station.  Rush Limbaugh’s soothing baritone comes through the speakers as you pass through Illegal Abortion Alley, Empty Shelf Soup Kitchen and The Pharmacy of Unattainable Prescriptions.  The ride ends with a realistic school shootout where Marco Rubio is a good guy with a gun unable to stop the massacre.  Sign me up!!

So House of Representatives.  Pat yourselves on your collective backs.  You have made a mockery of our legislative system.  You have chosen to hurt the majority to pander to the minority.  You have thrown the mother of all tantrums.  And you lost.  You lost respect.  You lost votes.  You lost the hearts and minds of the very people you took an oath to protect.  I leave you with a stanza from Maya Angelou.  You may not know who she is since she is black, a woman, an intellectual and a free thinker.  Not exactly your target audience.  But look her up…she is us and we won!

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I rise.

We are rising.  You have already fallen.
Where do I even start???
First things first…sincere apologies for the delay in posts.  While, as always, I was lacking time due to family, work, errands, etc., this time, I can’t blame my absence on those things.  I haven’t written anything for the past week and a half because, quite frankly, I didn’t even know where to begin.  The last two weeks have been a really bad time in the good ol’ USA and every time I thought I had my topic, something else happened.  Do I write about the Republicans’ desire to shut the government down to prove how much they hate Obama?  Do I write about the Republicans slashing the food stamp budget when we most desperately need them?  Do I write about the latest mass shooting and the pitiful response to it?  Do I write about the disgusting response to the heritage (and skin color) of the latest Ms. USA?  Ugh!  You now see my dilemma.  I was just getting more and more discouraged and every time I turned the news on, I felt like my head was going go explode.  The Sisyphean task of explaining to people that the Republicans are destroying us day by day just exhausted me and began to feel pointless.  But then I came across a Japanese proverb that got me back in the saddle again- If you fall down 7 times, get up 8 times.  So consider this my 8th time…here’s what ‘got my ire up’ (as my husband says)

Its not the I disagree with the majority of Republicans in office.  That’s a fact of life.  Its the draw dropping hypocrisy in their day to day operations that make me insane.  Its what Bill Maher calls “blacktracking”  (Supporting an idea until Obama supports it, than raging against it….also known as doing a one hatey and the African Boomerang).  If the very future of our country wasn’t in the balance, it would be hilarious.  Their behavior is beyond explanation.  So what I do is whenever someone brings up one of the following blacktracking topics, I just give the facts.  Then I watch the offender stutter, stammer, turn red and invariably call me a libtard before they walk away with their elephant tails between their legs.  Try it- its fun.

1. Benghazi.  Will this ever, ever, ever go away?  This is the rallying cry for every republican.  Its Obama’s fault, Hillary’s fault.  Bring up Obama’s successes in any area and you will get “Well what about Benghazi?”  Well, what about Benghazi?  What about the 13 attacks on American Embassies and Consulates under GW Bush?  From January 22, 2002 through September 17th 2008, there were 13 attacks and 54 deaths, including Americans dying. After Benghazi, Donald Rumsfeld tweeted “The attacks on our embassies and diplomats are a result of perceived American weakness.”  Really Don?  So I guess when you were Secretary of Defense during that time frame we were viewed as unbelievably weak!!  I think Condi Rice was Secretary of State during those attacks- why weren’t there calls for her to resign, like you were yelling about Hillary?  Hmmm..a little bit of Blacktracking, Don??  Was GW Bush accused of being incompetent on May 12, 2003 when US Ambassador David Foy was killed in an attack in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia?  Especially since the state department was warned that an attack was imminent?  Wow- this is all sounding remarkably familiar, no?  So whenever some teabagger asks me about Benghazi, I ask them about David Foy.  It’s like a magic…idiotic blathering stops immediately. Oh, and one more interesting fact you can use.  Since Benghazi, John Boehner and crew have voted to reduce spending on overseas Embassy security four times.   But yes, it’s Obama’s fault.

2. I could write a thousand pages on what the Republicans are doing with the ACA.  The 40, soon to be 41 attempts to repeal it.  The utter selfishness of people who get Cadillac healthcare plans and then do everything in their power to deny all other citizens the same.  The proven fact that in states that have adopted the law’s exchanges have seen their healthcare rates plummet and states that are resisting have seen increases.  That in about 2 weeks from now the elected republican terrorists are literally going to destroy our economy to prove how much they hate Obama.  Sticking with our theme, let’s talk about the blacktracking.  Never mind the fact that Romney, Gingrich, the Heritage Foundation, McConnell, etc. all supported the same exact things in the ACA until it became Obamacare instead of Romneycare.   Remember who is now screaming about Government’s intrusion in our personal lives.  Remember who just put out ads that tell young people to opt out. Yup, there is a new anti ACA ad brought to you by the Koch Brothers, a still from it is below…

Yes, that is some guy in an Uncle Sam costume, holding a speculum and about to examine a woman.  Ewwwwww.  It fades to black and the text says “OPT OUT”.  Nice.  I just need to point something out.  This ad is supported by the very same people who voted FOR forced transvaginal ultrasounds.  So its serial killer Uncle Sam when Obama wants the government to get involved with health care but completely cool and acceptable when  republicans want to get involved with health care.  I’m starting to see the light.

3. Syria.  In the interest of brevity I’ve decided to distill John McCain’s views on Syria into a one act play called “WHAT?”

MCCAIN:  We need to attack Syria. Now.

OBAMA: We need to attack Syria. Now.

MCCAIN: Attacking Syria is the worst thing we can possibly do. We need to use the force of the international community.

OBAMA: I am going to work with the international community.

MCCAIN: Working with the international community is pointless. We look weak. We just need to get Russia on our side and have Putin involved.

OBAMA: I’ve hammered out a deal wit Russia and Putin is taking lead on this one.

MCCAIN: Putin is a thug and I can’t believe Obama is working with him on this.

THE END.  (Of the world.)

I leave you with the extent of blacktracking going on today.  Michelle Obama recently spoke about the health benefits of drinking water and urged people to drink more of it.  According to the republicans this is bad.  Seriously, drinking water is now bad.  So here’s to hoping Obama comes out in favor of breathing air.  The republicans will then asphyxiate themselves in defiance and we can actually work on saving our country.
On the eve of 9/11
The past few years I haven’t given much thought to 9/11.  Yes, I watched the news coverage but every year since it seems to be a little more distant and unreal.  Suddenly tonight though, I am thinking a lot about it.  Simply because my 9 year old son told me his teacher was going to show a movie about it tomorrow in his class.

I instantly went into worried mom mode.  My son is really sensitive and I started shooting rapid fire questions at my husband…”are they going to show the planes slamming into the tower?”  “Are they going to show the people choosing to jump out of the towers rather than face the hell inside of them?  “is he ever going to get on a plane again?”  “Is he going to worry that it might happen again?”  Luckily, my husband is familiar with my craziness and talked me down.  We trust the teachers and the administration at the school to show age appropriate material and it is important that the kids know what happened.

I just remember how scared I was that day, even though I was no longer living in DC and was far away in Florida.  But I was going to work late that day, a twist of fate that had me watching The Today show the second all hell broke loose.  I saw the hole the first plane left and clearly remember Matt Lauer talking about an air traffic accident.  I called my husband who was at work and while I was speaking the words “there is a hole in the world trade center”, I literally watched the second plane hit.  I was so baffled and so confused I just kept saying “It’s so sunny, how could the pilots not see the towers?”  My mind could not wrap itself around what my eyes had seen, in real time.  And if I can prevent it, I never want my son to feel that way.

But what I really am thinking about now is not what movie he will see tomorrow, but the kind of world my kids are living in now.  They were born 4 and 5 years after that day and the world is so much better and so much worse:

They have an African American president and they will never fully understand the wonder of that. But at the same time we are more separated by race, there is more hatred and vitriol than at anytime that I remember (and I will be 43 on Sunday!)

They no longer have to crawl under desks and fear the Soviet Union but we now have unknown enemies concerned not with becoming a superpower but with destruction for the sake of hate.

They have technology that could have never been imagined when I was little, they have the world at their keyboards, phones in their pockets and access to more and better information than ever before.  But we also have cyber-bullies, sexting, and Rush Limbaugh.

When I was nine I could walk everywhere by myself, play outside with my friends till dark and know I was safe.  Kids today have cooler bikes, better skateboards and bigger playgrounds but are virtual prisoners in their homes unless a parent is available and willing to go outside with them.

Our chances of surviving cancer is astoundingly high and we are gunning each other down at unprecedented rates

We have the ability to have the best health care in the world and a large percentage of our population can’t afford it

We have the technology to have clean, beautiful air and clean, safe water and we are digging and burning and destroying the earth instead.

We are slowly allowing gay people the right to be treated like everyone else but there is more anti gay crime, legislation and fear than before.

We could educate every child in this country and we choose to either not pay for it and/or make it affordable only to the few.

So, depressed yet?  That was not my intention.  I actually hope this gets you to think about which side of the ledger you will choose to be on tomorrow.  And the next day.  And the day after that.

Here is my simple plea.  Rather than sit and mope tomorrow, or ignore tomorrow or wear a flag pin and call it a day, do something that will tilt the scales a little more towards goodness.  Pick a charity or a cause.  It could be anything.  And donate $9.11.  Or $91 dollars if you are feeling generous.  Or $911 dollars if you can- I can’t but it was worth a try

I know, in my heart, that there are more good people than bad.  I know, in my heart, that my kids are lucky to grow up in this amazing country in these amazing times.  Sometimes though, we all need a little reminder of how we got here and how much further we have to go.  And that WE have to be the ones pushing us along.

Posted by Elana Pate at 9/10/2013 6:50 PM | Add Comment
ConSpYRIAcy theories
I think we can all agree that the Syria situation is a tricky one.  Everyone’s got an opinion and there is no right answer.  This is the definition of a no win situation.  In my humble and slightly flummoxed opinion, Obama kind of painted us into a corner by defining the “red line”.  I think empty threats are dangerous.  I also think there is a moral reason to try and do something.  If the reports are true, this monster gassed kids.  I also think he did the right (and brilliant) thing by sending it to congress.  He would be damned if he does something and damned if he does nothing so give it to the elected officials to decide.  That being said, I still have no idea what the right thing to do is and I am eternally grateful that I am not the one who has to make the final call.  (Again, strengthening my belief that you have to be a lunatic to want to be president)

Ok- why am I bringing this all up?  Because adding to the confusion, making matters infinitely worse, are the right wing, fringe crazies.  As if the situation isn’t difficult enough, they are now throwing conspiracy theories around that make the fake moon landing loonies look like the Nobel Prize winners’ table.  Take a look:

1. Some right wing blogger said Obama was behind the attack.  Big whoop, right?  There are crazies all over the web.  But of course the head imbecile Rush Limbaugh had to pick it up and run with it on this past Tuesday’s show.  According to Rush, Obama and a “shadowy network of intelligence agencies orchestrated the attacks.”  Oh Rush, is there no sewer deep enough for you to step into?  I think he should just quit his show and become a pulp fiction writer.  You can self publish e-books now, and I’ve seen some where plot, character, grammar and spelling don’t seem to matter so this seems right up his alley. He could do a whole series…. “Obama and the Shadowy Network.”  “Obama, The African’s Anthrax Affair”.  “Obama, The Black Bomber.”

2. The oldie but goodie….Israel did it.  Lawrence Wilkerson, who was Colin Powell’s Chief of Staff, said that Israel did the gassing to discredit their enemies.  When asked for proof he offered “gut feeling.” I can only hope that if I am ever convicted of a crime, Mr. Wilkerson is not sitting on the jury.  His gut feeling could get me 10-15 years hard time since evidence wouldn’t come into play…

3. Everyone remember Joe Wilson (R-SC)?  He’s the class act that yelled out “YOU LIE” to Obama at the State of The Union Address a few years back.  People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones Joe.  Here’s his lie- oh- I meant theory.  He thinks Obama is delaying an attack as a diversionary tactic against (not making this up): Benghazi, the IRS “scandal”, the NSA “scandal”, the “failure” of Obamacare, the effects of sequestration and the debt limit vote. Phew.  I am just wondering why he didn’t say Obama was also trying to divert attention from Miley Cyrus’ performance on the MTV awards, the box office failure of the last Will Smith movie, the current yogurt recall, and The Redskins’ RGIII’s  knee injury last season.  Wilson says “Why was there no case for military response four months ago when the President’s red line was crossed?”  Hmmmm.  Question: How is doing nothing a diversion?  Isn’t doing nothing the opposite of a diversion?  When someone wants to “create a diversion” doesn’t that involve doing something instead of sitting on their couch?  Who elected this guy?  Maybe he created a diversion on election day and confused everyone at the polling station……

4. Representative Terry Lee (R-NE  came up with a rather complicated plot…stay with me here folks…The US gave Saddam Hussein chemical weapons back when we were friends with him.  Then he gave the weapons to Syria for safe keeping/hiding while we were looking for WMDs back in the day.  Then Assad used the weapons that were originally ours so basically its all our fault.  I can almost believe that we armed Hussein, after all the CIA trained Osama Bin Laden when he was fighting the Russians.  But to blame the US for this is like blaming a rape victim for wearing a short skirt.

There are more, many, many more.  Including a guy who said he hacked into the Pentagon’s internet and found e-mails explaining how they staged the attack in Syria.  Sadly, people believe this stuff.  And it turns a tragic, complicated no win situation into a ever worsening outcome.  I really wanted to include more examples but I discovered a new test that will confirm the ink on Obama’s birth certificate is actually sap from a rare tree that only grows in the northwest quadrant of Kenya……
Posted by Elana Pate at 9/5/2013 5:26 PM | Add Comment
MLK’s Dream, our nightmare
We are coming up on the 50th anniversary of Martin Luther King’s I have a Dream speech.  And while it cannot be denied that major improvements have been made in regard to the treatment of minorities in this country, it also cannot be denied that we have millions of miles to go.  I have never been treated badly because of my skin color.  I wonder how many African Americans can say the same in 2013.

The Supreme court recently gutted parts of the Voting Rights Act.  In the not so recent past, this protected African Americans from having to pass a test to vote.  With questions like how many bubbles are on a bar of soap or how many beans are in a jar.  Justice Sciala, in all his white man intellect said “we don’t need the Voting Rights Act.  That was for when there was racism.  Nowadays the south is no more racist than I am.”

The absolute ignorance in that statement is astounding.  And he’s a Supreme Court Judge?!?!  Let’s see if we can’t enlighten hizzoner…

Michael Brown and his extended family of 25 went to Wild Wing Cafe in Charleston, SC last week for a good bye party for a cousin.  They waited 2 hours for a table large enough to accommodate them all.  When it came time to be seated a white patron told the manager he felt “threatened” by the group.  So the manager asked them to leave.  Yup.  A black family got kicked out of a restaurant because a white person felt threatened.  When word got out Wild Wing Cafe offered the Brown family a free meal which was promptly declined.  Said Michael Brown, “we did not go there for a free meal.”  So Scalia, is South Carolina in the south were racism no longer exists?

On my maps, Texas is also in the south.  Just last week at the University of Texas, Bryan Davis, a black student was hit by a “bleach bomb” (a water balloon filled with bleach) while walking to class.  There have been five other bleach bomb attacks on the campus in the past year.  My guess is that the people who threw them weren’t trying to help get stains out of the black students’ clothes. A violent racial attack in the south, where evidently racism doesn’t exist.

Sadly, it’s not just the south.  I’m sure you all heard the recent horrific story of the three teens who killed Australian visitor, Chris Lane, because they “were bored.”.  Putting aside the utter repugnancy of the crime for a moment, take a look at how right wing media covered the story.  Fox and Friends reported that the accused were three black teens.  The Daily Caller posted the mugshots of the three black teens.  Well guess what, one of the murderers was white.  But I guess that doesn’t fit in with the narrative of the scary negro.  The white kid’s name is Michael Jones so the daily caller just found a mug shot of a black kid with the same name and plugged it in.  I’m so happy there is no more racism.

I live in the south.  I can’t tell you how many times I hear the N word. By self described non racists.  I saw a guy wearing a shirt, in public, that said “If I knew how thing were gonna turn out I would have picked my own damn cotton.”  I’m ashamed to even type that.  Racism is alive and well and living in the south.  And North.  And Midwest.  Etc.  And if you agree with Justice Scalia that everything is fine now than I suggest you talk to a black person.  Research the redistricting that is going on in your state.  Look into the voting rights destruction happening now.  Check out how hard it is now for minorities to vote.  We may not be asking how many bubbles are in a bar of soap but were coming close. Stand up for what is right in this country and fight against all that is wrong.  Do not sit on your Caucasian rear ends and think that everything is okay.  It not.

And I suggest you read Dr. King’s speech- here’s a fitting excerpt to get you motivated…..

This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quick sands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God’s children.

North Carolina Down
I find it mind boggling that the very people that rail against big government have said nothing about what just happened in North Carolina.  That the very people waving their “don’t tread on me flags” have had their most honored rights tread upon, trampled and stomped on beyond all recognition, and say nothing.

For those of you who don’t know, North Carolina has just passed the most unbelievably disenfranchising voter laws in the country.  Hundreds of thousands, if not millions of North Carolinians will now have a harder time voting or will not be able to vote at all.  If this isn’t “big Government”, I don’t know what is.

Governor Pat McCrory signed HB 589 into law like the coward that he is.  Instead of the public signing that is most common, McCrory made a Youtube video.  Instead of facing the people of North Carolina he chose the safe anonymity of the internet.  I’ll tell you what he said in his little video later, first let’s walk through the bill.

1. All voters must have a Government issued ID.  This is the one provision that I might agree with.  Might being the key word.  My beef with it is that some people, like the very old, for example, might not have an ID because they don’t need one.  McCrory, in his Youtube signing, said that Government issued IDs are a part of everyday life.  He said “You need one to board a plane, to cash a check, and to buy Sudafed.”  Yes, he used Sudafed as an example.  What can’t you use? A Student ID. Big surprise.  Republicans can’t have all those college students voting now can they.  I’m wondering how a student that goes to a state college and gets a state ID doesn’t have a government issued ID…  last I checked, boarding a plane, cashing a check and buying sudafed are not guaranteed rights.  And last I checked….voting is.

2. The bill also eliminates same day registration.  So for all the people who are busy with jobs and kids and bills and parents and healthcare and school who may have not had the time to register, well, they also now cannot vote in North Carolina.

3. The bill reduces early voting by a whole week.  That is 7 additional days that people now cannot vote.  What the Gov fails to remember is that not everyone is a rich cat like himself.  Some people can’t just skip work for a whole day to wait in line for 8 hours.  Some people get paid hourly so they can’t miss alot of time.  Some people work odd shifts.  So until Election day is a National holiday or until people get the whole day off with pay, these people cannot vote in North Carolina.

4. The bill ends a High School Civics program, which not only educated high school students on how our country works, it helped them register to vote.  So HB 589 promotes ignorance and makes it harder for young people to register to vote.  I guess McCrory likes his electorate uneducated so they can’t see what he is doing to them.  And once again, young people in North Carolina can’t vote.

5.The bill ends pre-registration for 16 and 17 year olds.  I mean really, who wants young people engaged anyway?  Better to give them a Nintendo, a rifle and some soda.  Really, its better for everyone that way.

6. The bill ends a state sponsored voting drive.  I think its just better for the country if less people vote, don’t you?  Does anyone else think its disgusting that republicans wave the stars and stripes and cry over the troops’ sacrifice in Iraq?  They fought so Iraqis could have the right to vote.  They fought so we could all see news footage of  women in burkas with blue fingers.  And then they have the nerve to stop voter registration drives in their own state???  The next time a North Carolina Republican shouts out his support of the troops, remind him of HB 589.

The governor says this law is needed to stop voter fraud, which he admits in his next breath (literally) is not really a problem.  I’m just gonna let that one swim around in your head for a little while.

North Carolina’s state motto is Esse quam vidiri, which loosely translates into “To be, rather than to seem”  How beautifully ironic is that?!  They seem to be patriotic when in reality they are destroying our country.  The motto came from Cicero’s poem, “On Friendship”.  I think the Governor should read the rest of it before his next Youtube performance:

“Fewer possess virtue than those who wish us to believe that they possess it.
The fact is that fewer people are endowed with virtue than wish to be thought to be so
The numbers of the really virtuous are not so great as they appear to be.”

Mr. McCrory- you are not as virtuous as you pretend to be.  You’ve passed new restrictions on abortion clinics, you expanded conceal carry permits for bars and restaurants and you cut unemployment benefits for your suffering citizens.  And now you’ve pretty much taken away everyone’s right to do something about it.  You did it in a closed room while hiding behind a video camera, far removed from those you swore to protect and represent. Might I suggest you spend more time brushing up on your Cicero and less time being a callous coward?

Ceiling Fans, Cantaloupes and Ammo-OH MY!
I’ve often written about those times when I couldn’t bear to watch the news.  I would get so despondent about the state of affairs that I had to impose a moratorium for a few days or weeks when I would just tune and and try to remember all that is right with the world.  Other times I explained I would try to find the humor in what was going on and focus on the absurdity of it all.  Well folks, I have found the humor once again.  We’ve all  read a political story and chuckle or grin (Anthony Weiner anyone???)  But lately, I have belly laughed, laughed till I had tears running down my face and once even spit out the soda I was drinking out of whilst reading Huffington Post.  The absolute lunacy coming out of the mouths of conservatives could make the guards at Buckingham Palace clutch their sides with glee.  There is so much sadness in the world I just have to share the mirth.

Remember when Bachmann was all up in arms about the new energy efficient light bulbs.  She thought it an attack on our very freedom that we couldn’t choose what type of bulb we could use.  Well, Marsha Blackburn (R-TN) has picked up the baton and is running with it.  But instead of light bulbs, the new rallying cry for the Tea Party is now….ceiling fans.  The Department of Energy is trying to improve the energy efficiency of ceiling fans, much like they did with the light bulbs, in order to help with the environment and our energy crisis.  Well, this is just too much for Ms. Blackburn who said. ” We’ve already seen the federal government stretch their regulatory tentacles into our homes and determine what type of light bulbs we have to use.  Now they are coming after our ceiling fans.  Its a sad state of affairs when even out ceiling fans aren’t safe from this administration.”

I literally cannot type that without laughing.  ‘Now they are coming after our ceiling fans.’  Wait- I thought they were coming after our guns?  Which is it?  ‘Even our ceiling fans aren’t safe from this administration’.  Wow.  Not the ceiling fans!?!?!  At least we finally know what the Marxist, Socialist, Kenyan’s secret agenda is in full.  Allow Islam to take over the world and make everyone really hot and sweaty.  Diabolical!  Is the new Tea Party mantra going to be “LIVE COOL OR DIE”.  Maybe their flag will have the snake saying “Don’t oscillate on me”.

I love unintentional humor. I was reading an article about this crazy police chief in Pennsylvania who walks around with an assault rifle, makes violent and profanity laced youtube videos where he pretends to shoot “libtards” and is a menace to his community.  That’s clearly not the funny part    This is… he belongs to a militia called The Constitutional Security Force.  You know the type.  All white-all gun-all the time.  The article printed the mission statement of the group, “We will defend our constitution, our country from tyranny only if needed.  We are not advocating or promoting the overthrow of any Government nor do we advocate violence.”  In fact the by laws even state that a member will be banned if they speak of or commit violence against the Government without just cause.  Next by-law…..”You must be willing to supply your own ammunition”  We are not violent, bring your own ammo.  Whaaaaaat???  Also, I love how they say they will only revolt against the government…if needed… According to whom?  Ted Nugent?  Rand Paul?  The Westboro Baptist Church?

And now..what caused me to literally choke with laughter..Steve King (R-IA) and his rationale for being against the Dream Act.  Ladies and Gentlemen, I assure you this was not altered in anyway,  This is verbatim.  “For everyone who is a valedictorian, there’s another 100 who weigh 130 pounds and they’ve got calves the size of cantaloupes because they are hauling 75 pounds of marijuana across the desert.  Those people will be legalized with the same act.”  Read it again.  His weights and measures are fascinating!  When questioned about his facts by a reporter he said “This is not something I am making up.”  I have a few questions:
1. Why do they all weigh 130 pounds?  Are there any that weigh 145?  122?  It seems a tad specific but what do I know.  Does he know how much the lone valedictorian weighs?  That might be an interesting study in contrast…Oh, and what size calves does the valedictorian have?  Kiwi? Apple?
2. Why do they all have calves the size of cantaloupes?  I don’t get it.  Why not coconuts?  Or Honeydews?  Is it the 75 pounds of pot that causes the hulk like transformation of the calves?  What if they were carrying 75 pounds of clothing?  Or 23 pounds of pot.  I’m not seeing the correlation. Wouldn’t their biceps also be the size of some yet unnamed fruit what with all the heavy lifting?
3. He insists he is not making this up.  When did he do the weighing of the 100 freakishly large-legged immigrants?  Does he do a head count at the border?  Doesn’t Mexico use the metric system?  Did he do the conversion himself to come up with the 75 pound amount because he might have made an error while doing the math.  And who carries a scale and a cantaloupe with them at all times?  This all seems a little hinky to me but like the man says, he is not making this up…..

I gotta go- my ceiling fan is currently unguarded……

Kafkaesqe is one of my favorite words.  And lately, thanks to the GOP I have plenty of opportunity to use it.  Loosely defined as having a nightmarishly complex, bizarre, or illogical quality, I can’t think of a better description of what’s going on today with the republicans.

Usually if I post something on my Political Parent Facebook page, I leave it at that.  But I just can’t let this latest kafkaesque event go.  Yesterday I posted a link to an article about Pat Toomey.  The republican senator from Pennsylvania was recently being hailed as a hero as one of the writers of the background check bill/gun control.  Even I was impressed with his bi-partisanship efforts.  Well, that lasted a whole week.  When asked yesterday why the bill didn’t pass he said:
“I would suggest the administration brought this on themselves,”   I think the president ran his re-election campaign in a divisive way. He divided Americans. He was using resentment of some Americans toward others to generate support for himself. That was very divisive, that has consequences, that lingers.”

WTF, OMG, SMH and every other linguistic shortcut known to man.  Let’s break this down.  We’re gonna use a list format so you can follow the surrealist quality of his argument:

-Toomey co-wrote the bill.  It was HIS bill.  He is a republican.
-Obama supported the bill, vocally, enthusiastically and frequently
-Only four members of Toomey’s republican party voted for it
-After the vote Obama passionately expressed his anger and disgust over the no vote
-A Majority of senators (54) actually voted yes but because of the stupid super majority game the republicans like to play it didn’t pass even though a majority (again 54/100) voted yes.

But it’s Obama’s campaign strategy that caused the bill to fail.

I want to be perfectly clear about something.  It is not Obama’s fault it failed.  Its the cowardly, greedy republicans fault it failed.  Its the uneducated, easily manipulated, very vocal minority’s fault that this failed.  Its the fault of every single supporter of the bill who didn’t get off their lazy tushes to pick up the phone to call their representatives.  Because based on all available information the phone calls from anti background check constituents outnumbered supporters by 10 to 1.  Its the fault of senators who are more concerned with re-election than the safety of our citizens.

Recently on the Daily Show they did a piece on Australia’s gun control policy.  After a massacre there in the late 80s they passed some of the strictest gun legislation in any industrialized nation.  The correspondent interviewed Harry Reid’s chief of staff and then an  Australian law maker who voted for gun control.  He asked the same question of each.  “What do you think is the measure of a successful politician?”  Reid’s COS said getting reelected.  The Australian said passing legislation that protects the citizens.  Yeah.  Its Obama’s fault.  (By the way, the australian law maker lost his re-election because of his vote and he could care less.  He said he is just happy that more people are alive.)

If you have a Senator that voted no and you didn’t call them or e-mail them or fax them or mail them a letter, now’s your chance.  Invoking their favorite excuse, “slippery slope”, the no voting senators are sliding in the polls faster than you can say NRA.  So get them while they are down.    These people no longer represent us.  They no longer have our best interests at heart.  They want your money, they want your vote.  And if you get slaughtered at your school or the movies or the mall or your job who cares?  There will always be another ignorant, greedy non patriot to help out.  So I’m gonna make it really easy for you.  And if you don;t do something this time- YOU are at fault.

Pat Tomes phone number is 202-224-4254.  His fax number is 202-228-0284. Start there and then go to look up the information for your own senators.

Here’s some food for thought…  A person on the terrorist no fly list can buy a gun under the current background check system.  Feel better now?

I guess it was a nice try….
As we all know by now, the Republican party has recently tried to revamp their image.  They wrote a whole report on rebranding themselves.  They insisted it was the message not the policies that were driving people away in droves.  They had action plans to “widen the tent” and be more inclusive.  They started outreach programs to attract minorities of all kinds.  Based on the last month, it would seem as though not every elected republican got the memo.  Or have an intellect higher than the average paper plate.  Here are some of the pearls of wisdom spewed out by the elected officials since the “kinder, gentler republican ” plan came out.  See if you can identify the group they are trying to “appeal” to:

Last week in Oklahoma, Representative Dennis Johnson (R-Duncan) was presiding over a debate that had to do with fair pricing practices.  He felt he could speak on the issue since he himself is a small business owner.  He said, “customers might try to jew me down on the price, but that’s fine.  That’s free market as well.”  Someone with functioning brain cells mentioned that might have not been the most appropriate thing to say so he apologized, (and by apologized I mean dug a deeper hole) by saying “I apologize to the Jews, they’re good small businessmen as well.”  Huh.  Mr. Johnson seems to think that he was insulting a jewish person’s ability to run a business, not perpetuating the stereotype of money loving jews.  Keep that tentflap open Dennis…I think the Jewish community in Oklahoma will be racing to get in after next Friday night’s services…..

Let’s move on to Kansas where last week Saline County Commissioner, Jim Gile (R) was talking about the budget for road and bridge repairs in his area.  He said, “I would rather hire an architect over having someone nigger rig it”  (Aside- I went back and forth for a half hour debating whether or not to use the N word.  It pained me to type it but I think I needed to in order to show just how gruesome these people are.  I sincerely apologize to anyone who is offended.)  Ok- back to Kansas.  He is getting alot of grief for his comment, rightfully so.  So much in fact, his wife, Joann, has stepped up to defend him.  She insists that he was, in reality, trying to compliment the black community because that term was used to praise the “blacks for being resourceful.”  Perhaps in Webster’s racist dictionary that’s what it means but in the real world it is an awful way to describe something hastily and poorly put together.  When Gile decided to apologize, he followed his fellow morons in that deep hole by saying, and I am not making this up, “I am not a prejudiced person, I have built habitat homes for colored people.”  I’m just gonna let that one stand on it’s own.  Reflect on all its insanity for a moment.  Who wants to guess how many “colored” people are gonna vote for Giles, et. al. next election cycle.

Okay so they’ve shown their feelings on Jews and blacks, let’s see what they think about women.  The gun debate is in the forefront these days and Missouri Lt. Governor, Pete Kinder, decided to throw his 2 cents in.  “assault weapons is a misused term used by suburban soccer moms who do not understand what is being discussed here.”  Oh yes, Mr. Kinder…I was at home darning my husband’s socks and watching my stories on TV and they kept getting interrupted by breaking news about 20 kids getting mowed down in their classroom.  I just don’t understand.  My mind just doesn’t have the room to digest these complex issues since its full with jello mold recipes, 273 ways to re-use panty hose and how to get my plates and glasses sparkling clean for my family.  In fact, i don’t see how any woman in Missouri can possibly stand in line to vote for anyone, let alone Pete Kinder.  Who will see to the laundry?

Or how about Rep Jimmy Duncan (R-Tenn), he was very eloquent when discussing anti-violence legislation. “Like most men, I’m more opposed to violence against women than even violence against men.  Because most men can handle it a little better than alot of women can.”  Yes!  Its MUCH better to be beaten if you are a man.  Columbine wouldn’t have been so bad if only boys were slaughtered.  And ya know, I really don’t think the manhunt in Boston would have been so fierce if 3 men died instead of two women and a little boy.  Women are so weak (and stupid, see above) that it really is a shame when someone hurts us.  I wish a was a man.  That way I would understand the dangers of assault weapons and could take a gun shot without really caring all that much.  Women of Tennesee- run right out and vote for Mr. Duncan.  He pities you and thinks you are soft.  I always thought that violence is bad, regardless of the recipient.  Guess I was wrong, I should really stick to canning tomatoes and baby rearin…

Lastly we have the LGBT community.  Republicans are going after our gay friends and family members like gangbusters.  They need the gay vote.  They want they gay vote.  Sadly, they will never get the gay vote if they continue to have people like Illinois State Senator Kyle McCarter speak for them.  According to McCarter, “To redefine marriage is discriminating towards those who hold the sincerely held religious belief that it is a sacred institution between a man and a woman.”  What a load of crap.  Kyle is against gay marriage because he is a homophobic bigot.  If he TRULY thinks what he said is true than he needs to go protest Red Lobster on behalf of every orthodox Jew with a sincerely held religious belief that eating shellfish is wrong.  He needs to lobby to close every single restaurant that serves beef lest we discriminate against all Hindus that have a sincerely held religious belief that cows are scared.  He has to go up against every single business that is open on sundays so we aren’t discriminating against al those that have a sincerely held religious belief that Sunday is a day of rest per the big guy himself.  So cut the shit Kyle.  And don’t bother sending any invitations to the gay people of Illinois for your next fundraiser.  They aren’t coming.  Neither are the Jews, the hispanics, women, african americans, the young, the poor, the intelligent.


Taking stock
I’ll admit it- I woke up in a mood most foul.  I couldn’t sleep so I just got out of the bed at 5:15am.  I started to make the kids’ lunches and seriously almost had a breakdown.  I HATE making my kids’ lunches every day.  I hate hate hate it.  I hate the drudgery, the mess, the dealing with chocolate milks and juice boxes and peanut butter and granola bars when it is still dark out.  Its so tedious and so mundane.  (Parents of young kids will probably get this, others may not but it is what it is).
Add to it that I’m stressed at work, always exhausted and basically just need a 6 week vacation to get back to normal, one can see where the lunch thing set me off…

So, I’m spreading peanut butter, muttering invectives under my breath and listening to the news in the background.  And they started talking about Martin Richard.  For those who don’t know, Martin is the 8 year old boy who was killed in Boston on Monday.  He was brought down by a terrorists bomb because he was waiting for his dad to cross the finish line.  And suddenly, I did have a breakdown.  Because for all the little things that make my life so hard right now, I have big things that make my life a miracle right now.

I have a husband who I love and who loves me (despite my lunacy at times).  I have 2 beautiful, smart, compassionate, amazing kids who didn’t get shot in their classrooms and didn’t get mowed down at a sporting event and were sound asleep in their beds knowing when they woke up their mommy will have packed their lunches with care and love.

I realized that while I might be tired because I work so hard, I am fortunate to have a good job.  I am fortunate that we have money to buy peanut butter and juice boxes and granola bars.  I am beyond lucky that my kids are smart and healthy and kind.

I was going to write a blog post yesterday about the environment because I read this quote…  “Nobody made a greater mistake than he who did nothing because he could do only a little.”  So I was going to beg people do do a little…use canvas totes instead of plastic bags, recycle your cans and newspapers, etc.   It would have been quaint and maybe would have pushed a few people to turn off lights not being used or try to drive less.  But after this morning’s breakdown/epiphany I’m going to go a step further.

Do a little something today. Do a little anything today.  Make today a little better for someone else and you will feel better too.  Don’t start playing the blame game over the recent bombing, donate a pint of blood.  Don’t roll your eyes at the probability that the background check measure will fail, call your senator. Bring a box of cereal to a food bank. Mow the lawn of an elderly neighbor.  Compliment someone. Buy someone lunch.  Just be a good person.  Make Martin Richard’s father feel a little bit of hope through his unfathomable grief.  Prove to him that there is so much good here, so many amazing people.  It should not have to take a terrorist’s bomb to remind us to do good, always.  It shouldn’t take a mass shooting to remind us to treasure our kids.  It shouldn’t take bad news to make us appreciate good news.

Let’s make April 17th our day.  I’m going to drop clothes off at the local salvation army, drop a bag of food off at the food bank and when I get home tonight, no matter how tired I am, I am going to make sure my kids know that they are loved more than they ever thought was humanly possible..  What are YOU going to do today?

(And tomorrow I will make their lunches with a smile on my face)

Bag it
I saw an amazing documentary last night and it really inspired me to be more vocal about something I care very much about- our lives.  I know I can write about gun control, the war on women’s health, the debt, the wars, etc etc etc.  And all of that is blisteringly important.  But as I watched this show last night, I realized there is actually no point in fighting for any of that stuff if the very planet we live on will be, quite frankly, unliveable pretty soon if we don’t change our ways.  This post may seem dry and inconsequential but the ramifications of what we are doing to this planet are HUGE!

What I loved about this film is that it showed me how if every single person just changed one teeny tiny behavior in their lives, we can accomplish so much.  Neither I, nor the film makers are asking anyone to radically change their daily routine.  Just one small aspect of it…wanna give it a try???

The movie is called Bag It.  And you guessed it, its about plastic bags.  Its funny and well made and moving and eye opening.  I already am a crazy person when it comes to using canvas totes instead of plastic bags at stores.  I will not ever use a plastic bag.  But it goes waaay beyond that…   just let these facts from the film seep in:

Each person in the US contributes 800 pounds of packaging waste into the garbage stream every year.  That’s 800 pounds per person, per year!!!  (and that’s just packaging waste…in total each person is responsible for 1 ton of waste yearly)

106,000 aluminum cans are thrown away every 30 seconds in the US.

60,000 plastic bags are being consumed in the US every 5 seconds!

1 million plastic cups are used on US airlines every 6 hours

2 million plastic bottles are consumed in the US every 5 minutes.

It takes 17 million barrels of oil each year for those plastic bottles…and 2.5 million tons of carbon dioxide is spewed into the atmosphere because of their production

For every barrel of waste we produce, 17 barrels of waste is produced just making the stuff we throw away.

6 million pieces of garbage makes its way into the ocean every DAY

In some parts of the ocean the ratio of plastic to plankton is 40:1

Recently on the Midway Atoll National Wildlife Refuge, 19 plastic bottle caps were found in the stomach of a dead albatross.  5 tons of plastic is bought to the refuge each year by mother birds bringing food back for their babies.

Plastic kills over 100,000 marine animals every year.

This is disgusting.  Please people, stop with the plastic bags and bottles.  I went to by some ginger ale today at the store and was about to blithely pick up a six pack of plastic bottles when I realized they sell it in glass bottles as well.  It cost 45 cents more but I bought the glass.

We complain about gas prices yet throw away a plastic bag after using it for 2 minutes.  We throw away plastic forks after a 5 minute meal.  We sit in a restaurant and drink coffee from to go cups.  Come on folks…use a mug!  I see people in the supermarket with canvas bags for checkout who put all their fruits and veggies in plastic bags!!!  You do not need to put bananas in plastic bags folks, they come with their own packaging!

We are so wasteful.  So concerned about convenience that we are killing animals, choking our water ways, changing our climate so we don’t have to do the dishes.

The film maker decided to make this movie after he left the supermarket one day with a plastic bag that had 1 container of yogurt in it.  He realized how idiotic his behavior was, now we all have to do the same.

You should all watch this movie.  It starts off talking about plastic bags but delves into so much more.  Its long, almost 2 hours, but I defy anyone to watch it and NOT decide to change their ways.  Its available everywhere, Netflix, the DocChannel, DVD…easy as pie.  The link I will provide even gives you ways to make changes in your schools, workplaces and/or communities.

So, again, I apologize if this seems trivial but take a moment and watch.  You CAN make a difference.  Our lives depend on it…
Know thy enemy
Today is the National Day of Action for gun control/ending gun violence.  I urge you all to do everything you can to try to prevent even one innocent person from being killed.  A good link is provided at the end of the post, click it and get good info on what YOU can do.. (not just today- every day)

So I got my hands on the latest issue of “American Rifleman”, which is the official journal of the NRA.    Although it pained me greatly to do so, I read it cover to cover so I could start to learn what we were up against.  I had to take 22 showers after I read it and still felt filthy.  I’m going to share some of the things from the magazine with you- hopefully it will spur you on to fight these lunatics.  Ready…you’ve been warned:

The cover has a picture of Obama skeet shooting, with the headline: “Only you can save your guns from King Pinocchio”, which I would soon find out was the featured story…more on that later.  Just stew about that for a minute…King Pinocchio….

A quick observation:  There were 58 ads in this issue. 51 of them were for guns, bullets, laser sights, etc.  The remaining were for a Franklin Mint statuette of a bulldog wearing a Marine uniform(?) , lawn seed, lawn mowers and stump removal (I guess gun owners like a neat lawn )  MREs for doomsday, a “forever together (or until I accidently shoot you) birthstone” pendent and a signed Charlie Daniels fiddle. (? again)
Ok- let’s take a walk through the table of contents shall we?  Just the high lights…

You can read this story if you want,  “10 rifles to own before you die.”  Cause nothing says meaningful life like firearms.  Or how about “Self Defense Behind the Wheel”, which, with pictures, teaches you how to kill someone while you are driving.  I just knew my drivers ed teacher was holding back on me!  Or you can read through real life stories of people who shot “bad guys” in my favorite section, “The Armed Citizen”, where people brag about killing men who are “lurking” in their yards.  Or, in a very special submission this month, a man was able to kill a rabid bobcat that was in his garage.  Imagine if he was unarmed..he would have had to close the garage door and call animal control!  Inconceivable!

Next I saw an ad/article for the 142nd National Rifle Association Annual Meeting and Exhibits, happening May 2-5 in Houston.  Special Guest Speakers are Wayne LaPierre, Chris Cox (NRA executive director), Glenn Beck and Ted Nugent (whose blurb describes him as “Legendary Rock Star and Hunter.”  They forgot draft dodger, mental patient and lunatic but lets not split hairs.)  I can honestly say I’d rather be dropped in the polar bear exhibit in the central park zoo  than go to this convention.   I’d rather take my chance against the polar bear.

The first feature story is “New Guns and Gear 2013”.  A list of all the new killing machines and accessories available to the general public.  A small sampling:

– There are 9 new laser sights, each promising bright clear images and automatic brightness adjustments cause god only knows how pesky it is for your victim to be fuzzy.  These also make it easier to shoot people at dawn and dusk.  Excellent.  Now school massacres can happen at before and aftercare.  This should really help the overstretched assassin.

-There are 15 “new and improved” bullets out this year as well.  Here are some of my favorites.
-PowerStrike. “can penetrate light barriers, yet when in contact with fluids or tissue the High Energy Transfer (HET) breaks apart for a larger wound cavity.  Cause as we all know- go big or go home!
-The Macmillian Group added 3 lines of ammunition, including Tactical, Precision and Extreme Velocity, to its existing African Dangerous Game Offerings.  Oh come on.  How many bubbas buying guns and ammo can even locate Africa on a map, let alone travel there for big game hunting.  Since there are no elephants, hippos, rhinos or lions roaming freely anywhere in the US, why are these even for sale.  They can buy them over there before they charge the savannah.
-Remington introduces the HogHammer, specifically, per the article, for shooting hogs.  And since “hogs are traditionally hunted in low light conditions”, these bullets have flash suppressing propellents.  Because everybody knows you never want to give your position away to a burrowing hog.  These HogHammers also have a mechanism that “ensures the jacket and core do not separate even when going through the toughest barriers, such as auto glass.”  So now I’m confused….is the hog in the car or is the hunter in the car?  Cause if a hog is smart enough to hide in a minivan, I think they oughtta get a reprieve.  And if the hunter is in the car that’s not very sportsmanlike is it?  If they are already in the car and want some ham, why don’t they just go through the drive through at Woody’s BBQ?

And of course there are lots of new guns out there.  They all promise comfortable grips, easy loading, lightweight design.  Which makes sense because its hard to kill a person when you are burdened with an uncomfortable grip, hard loading and a heavy gun.   But the most awesome one is Gamo’s bull whisper which “uses an integral repressor to reduce sound but not velocity. The bull whisper is available for Gamo’s varmint stalker and the varmint stalker deluxe.  Huh.  Never thought one would need a suppressor while hunting wabbits…I guess through their intricate set up of communication one rabbit would be able to warn all the others of impending doom, but thanks to the silencer, they are rendered communicatively impotent….

So then we come to the main event- the insistence that Obama is a tyrannical liar- aka King Pinocchio.  Oh they go through all the tired arguments.  That Obama and company are coming to take your guns.  And your house and your children and your bulldog in Marine dress blues.  They talk about the 2nd amendment being the single most important thing ever written in the history of mankind.  They cry that “twice as many Americans are killed with fists and feet.”  (I did hear that instead of arming our soldiers in Afghanistan with guns, there is a new pilot program that has the military carrying Adidas and Nikes.  The new style HighTop crosstrainer is especially deadly.)  They bitch about Obama calling 11 round magazines ‘massive’.  They whine that with  universal background checks “only law abiding people will suffer when they have to wait in lines to fill out forms.”   Really?  Suffer?  Why don’t they ask the parents of Sandy Hook Elementary about suffering?  I’m quite certain they will stand in lines all day to have their children alive and well.

It just goes on and on.  They lie, they bully, they distort.  They really need to be put in their place.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE go to the below link and do your part…

You can go to to get more info.

Q&As about the Gays
I have a few questions, can anyone assist?  This whole anti-gay marriage thing is really odd…okay, here goes:

1. What exactly is the slippery slope?  If gay people are allowed to get married, are women all over the country going to want to marry garden rakes?  Are men going to ask to walk down the aisle with a toaster?  I’m pretty sure after interracial marriage was decriminalized no one suddenly looked for a mate in a morgue or pet store.

2. Why do people who say gay marriage is wrong because the bible says so still get to eat at red lobster.  The bible clearly states eating shellfish is wrong.  I saw a guy protesting outside the supreme court today with a whole armful of tattoos.   So I guess he’s the abomination calling the kettle black, no?  Cause that’s prohibited too per the holy book.

3.  All kidding aside for a sec, why does anyone even care who marries who?  Mind your own business.

4.  Why are you forcing your beliefs on other people and then insisting we are forcing our beliefs on people.  You are trying to prevent someone from doing something YOU don’t agree with, not the other way around.  Supporters are trying to allow people to do what they deserve to be able to do.  That’s not forcing a lifestyle, its accepting of one.

5. For those against it because you think marriage is only for procreation do you think women with endometriosis should be banned from being wed as well?  How about people past child bearing age?  Are they disobeying Jesus? Or Rush?  Or whoever you choose to get your marching orders from?  I heard a terrible story about an Iraq war vet who stepped on an IED and lost his reproductive organs.  I guess he is out of luck on the marriage front and will have to die alone.  Nice.

6.  Are you against blondes marrying brunettes?  How about tall people marrying short people?  My husband has a slightly darker skin tone than I do- are we sinners ruining the sanctity of marriage?  Maybe we should repent for the past 18 years and tell our children we are ruining marriage for the rest of the country.

7.  Why are the same people whining about nanny states the most vocal about telling people who they can marry?  You’re gonna get worked up about what size Dr. Pepper you can buy but be on the wrong side of THIS?

8. If gay parents turn kids gay, wouldn’t the population die out pretty soon?

9.  4.4 million people watched Kim Kardashian marry that dude on E TV for which she got an estimated 17 million dollars.  And the marriage lasted 72 days.  And now she is not yet divorced but engaged to someone else, and pregnant.  And gay people are going to ruin the sanctity of marriage?

10. For all those protesting, one last thing.  Someone in your family is gay.  One of your friends is gay.  One of your teachers or coworkers is gay. One of your neighbors is gay.  Your babysitter might be gay.  Your fitness coach might be gay.  One of your kid’s friends is gay.  Your butcher, your baker and your candlestick maker might be gay.  And you are insisting that you are better than them.  You are forcing them to be unhappy and lonely and insecure.  You are making them drink from the proverbial “other” water fountain.  You are wrong.

First, just want to apologize real quick for the long delay between posts, I was actually on vacation and I am proud to say I didn’t open my laptop or watch the news once!!!   A real vacation for the mind.  BUT, I’m back and there is loads to discuss!

While I was gone, I missed the “Growth and Opportunity Project”  aka the Republican Autopsy that was released by the GOP.  It is a 70+ page document where they try to explain their unpopularity and set forth plans to re-emerge as a popular and strong choice for Americans.  I implore you to read it in its entirety.  (Link at end of post)  It straddles between the absurd and the ridiculous.  Its much more entertaining than 90% of what’s on TV so you might as well crack it open and spend some time with it.

In a nut shell, the RNC insists it can turn the Party around and attract newcomers.  It describes their “problems” and explains the action plan they have put into place.  Here are some of the highlights:

They basically admit that they only people that like them are white males.  So it is written that

“instead of driving around on an ideological cul-de-sac, we need a party whose brand of conservatism invites and inspires new people to visit us.”

I got news for you guys, you are not on an ideological cul-de-sac…you are on the Intolerance Autobahn.   Who is it exactly that you think will want to “visit” you?  The hispanics you hope will self deport?  The gay abominations that can’t get married or be teachers?  The atheists who are going to hell?  The lazy, taking 47%?  The women ruining our country because they aren’t stay at home moms?  Not only are none of them are going to visit your house, they aren’t even going to cross into your county.  They also spent alot of time explaining that their delivery isn’t that good.  That its not the policy, its the way its delivered.  I don’t know why they think that running the country is like open mic night at the improv but okay.   If they are worried about the delivery, someone forgot to tell Dick Armey, who when talking about the loss of hispanic support said

“We’ve chased the hispanic voter out of their natural home”

Ummm…hispanic people are not spotted owls or field mice.  Their habitat hasn’t been leveled for new condos.  You’ve chased away the hispanic voter because you are racist and scared.  Just ask Trump who at C-PAC said we oughtta encourage more immigration from European countries.  (you know, the white countries).  And I’m sure millions of Europeans want to give up their free health care, fee education, paid maternity leave, 6 weeks vacation and the right to marry who ever they want to come here.  Good plan Trump.  Maybe you should fire yourself.

Someone in the GOP also should speak to their resident nutcase, Michele Bachmann.  They can’t say that they “need to speak to people on human terms” and then allow her to say this about the ACA:

“Let’s repeal this failure ‘Obamacare” before it literally kills women, kills children, kills senior citizens.”

Oh Michele.  Please learn how to use literally correctly.  As in “you are literally a moron”.  I am also curious how Obamacare kills only women, children and senior citizens.  Does that mean that my husband, who is none of the above, is safe from the literal killing?  Perhaps we can change the cliche to “Guns don’t kill people, Obamacare kills people.”   I’m thinking the tea party would literally eat that up….

Moving on.  A large portion of their plan to take over the world involves outreach.  Making sure they can widen their tent.  Here are some of their inspired ideas:

1. Design a surrogate program to train and prepare ethnic conservatives for media presentations. Wow.  How would that happen?  Hey, go find a black guy and train him to speak republican. They are so clueless.  Its called tokenism.  Its transparent and insulting.  And if you have to have a training program for ‘ethnic conservatives” you’ve already lost the battle.

2. Establish an RNC task force of personalities in the entertainment industry as a way to attract young voters.  I have a few problems with this.  My daughter might be more likely to buy a backpack with Justin Bieber’s face on it, but she is 7.  If she chooses a president the same way when she is 18 than I have failed miserably as a parent.  Two, Donald Trump, Chuck Norris and that crazy Victoria Jackson from SNL don’t exactly appeal to young voters.  On the same note they say that republican leaders should participate and actively prepare for interviews in, among other things, magazines such as US weekly.  Us Weekly?  Do they know that US weekly primarily focuses on Kim Kardashian’s baby bump and Ryan Gosling’s abs?  Who picks their political leaders from a magazine that runs stories on the feud between Miley Cyrus and Taylor Swift??

3. “Republicans should develop a non aggressive response regarding the so called war on women.”  Better idea.  Just stop the war on women.

4. Engage Historically Black Colleges with the goal of educating the community on republican ideas.  But first they might have to stop gutting federal aid for higher education.  Stop slashing budgets for headstart and early education.  And start teaching science and math in schools instead of creationism and hoax theories.  Otherwise they won’t have anyone to engage with at the HBCs.

5. The RNC must build a nationwide database of hispanic leaders. Sounds an awful lot like Romney’s binders full of women and we all know how that turned out.

Talk is cheap GOP… you can put all the lipstick on your pig that you want.  So go ahead and write your reports.  Go ahead and start your training program for ethnic republicans.  Find a celebrity.  It won’t matter.  You were right to call this project an autopsy.  Time of death, 2013.

Shirley Temples, Golf and White House Tours
When I was about 6 years old my family went on vacation.  We were at the hotel bar and my sister and I were acting very grown up drinking our Shirley Temples.  She asked me if she could have the cherry that was in my drink.  I said no,  I wanted it, then proceeded to pick up the cherry and put it in the ashtray.  Why?  Because I was six.  I was promptly yelled at, was allowed no more Shirley Temples and was basically ignored for the rest of the night.

I bring this story up because its all I can think about every time I hear sequester talk. It is exactly the same thing!  You want something? You need something?  Well, the US government can provide it for you but instead we are going to throw it in the metaphorical ashtray.  Unfortunately, no one is yelling at them or taking away their Shirley Temples.  My excuse is I was six.  What in the hell is the GOPs excuse?

They are acting like children.  Mean, bratty children.  Have you heard the latest?  One of the victims of sequestration is the cancelation of all White House Tours.  Okay.  Not the end of the world.  I can live with that.  Instead of being adults though, the republicans are using the tours as another arrow in their we hate Obama quiver.  Louie Gohmert (R-TX) has introduced an amendment to a continuing resolution on the federal budget that seeks to block President Obama from using federal funds for any future golf outings until the tours are reinstated.  Here is the wording:

None of the funds made available by a division of this Act may be used to transport the President to or from a golf course until public tours of the White House resume.

I have a question… several actually but we’ll start with this… Is Gohmert just concerned with the cost of transport?  If so does he want Obama to just hop on the metro?  I am beginning to think that republicans don’t really understand that alot of what a president does isn’t by choice. Is it golf that’s the problem?  I know its hard for a southern white guy to accept the fact that there is a black guy on the links not playing the role of caddie so maybe that’s it.  Would he allow Obama to have tax paid transportation to a basketball game?  A cricket match?  The curling world cup?

No, he is just acting like a six year old tormenting her sibling for no reason.  But here’s the difference. When I trashed the cherry I hurt my sister’s feelings and ticked off my parents.  When the republicans trash the money, they are taking away health care.  And education. And Air traffic controllers.  They are destroying the very thing they have sworn to protect and lead.  Why?  To show how much they hate Obama?  To prove how tough they are?  As I am about to send a fairly large to check to the IRS all I can think is, “THIS is what my tax dollars are for?”  An entry fee to a pissing contest?

I no longer get angry at these people.  I am just ashamed.  We should all be.  This goes beyond party.  The GOP is fiddling while the U.S. burns.

And I thought it was just indigestion….
Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a winner!  I have discovered the stupidest thing ever said by a right winger in the history of man kind.  Its been tough considering the plethora of applicants but here we go…

Kevin Swanson, a Colorado Pastor with his own radio show, insists “that with women who were on the birth control pill there are these little tiny fetuses—these little babies—embedded into the womb. They’re just, like, dead babies! On the inside of the womb. And these wombs of women who have been on the birth control pill effectively have become graveyards for lots and lots of little babies.”

How does he know this?  He has been talking with “certain doctors and certain scientists.”  I looked into this and found he had indeed met with some doctors and scientists…Dr. Dre, Dr. J, Dr. Demento, Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Dr. Feelgood.   He also sought counsel with the Professor from Gilligans Island, at which time they built a radio out of coconuts but alas could not patch  a hole in a boat.

I decided to do my own research and spoke with some women who are currently, or have been, on the pill.  While no one seems to have a bunch of dead babies in their wombs one admitted to keeping extra lipstick in there, at least three said they use the space as a coin purse and one New Yorker with very little storage space uses her womb as a linen closet.

I know in the past I have said I want to be a congresswoman so I can pass absurd laws like the republican legislators do but I changed my mind..I’m just going to get a radio show.  Evidently you can say anything on the radio, true or not, insane or not, real or not and get HUGE ratings!

To wit:  Sandy Hook, while a tragedy for most of the country was a lightning rod for the tea party nuts . Bryan Fischer is a right wing radio-show host and spokesperson for the anti-gay hate group known as the American Family Association.  He said “I think God would say to us, ‘Hey, I’d be glad to protect your children, but you’ve got to invite me back into your world first,’” Fischer told his listeners. “‘I’m not gonna go where I’m not wanted; I am a gentleman.’  Yes, Bryan, cause everyone knows that God is a 16 year old cheerleader who’s only goal in life is to be invited to all the cool parties.  When not invited she shows her wrath by starting vicious tweet campaigns and Facebook posts, oh, and sending a crazed armed gunman into an elementary school.  Yes.  I remember learning about that in hebrew school.  God wanted to be homecoming king.

Dave Buehner, another right wing host thinks that college turns women into rabid feminists who are basically responsible for the death of marriage and the bankrupting of the government.  He said of college…”Remember, the goal is to get that girl a job because she needs no stinkin’ husband; she’s got the fascist corporation and government-mandated insurance programs and socialist welfare that will take care of her, womb to tomb. Who needs a cotton-pickin’ husband?! Who needs a family? That’s pretty much the worldview that’s dominating, my friends. That’s what the college is all about.

He did say, “the college”, that is not a typo.  I am guessing since he obviously never stepped foot near an institution of higher learning he thinks college is just one entity.  Cool, then I went to Yale!!!  Since its all part of the college, right?  I wish I knew went I went to college (Yale) that I was supposed to get government insurance and socialist welfare.  I somehow instead got a bachelors degree, a great job, an awesome husband and fabulous kids.  Man did I screw up..should have spent more time listening to Dave…. ( does he know that educated women are NOT the ones most likely to be on welfare?  Probably not…he would have learned that in the college I guess.  He could ask Bush to help him look it up on the google if worse comes to worse)

Michael Savage might have been one of those “doctors” Kevin Swanson consulted with on his dead fetus storage solution.  Because Savage, with all his medical training, and by all I mean non existent, seems to think there is no such thing as autism.  He has another name for it…brattiness.  Here’s his diagnosis:

“Now, the illness du jour is autism. You know what autism is? I’ll tell you what autism is. In 99 percent of the cases, it’s a brat who hasn’t been told to cut the act out. That’s what autism is. What do you mean they scream and they’re silent? They don’t have a father around to tell them, “Don’t act like a moron. You’ll get nowhere in life. Stop acting like a putz. Straighten up. Act like a man. Don’t sit there crying and screaming, idiot.”

I really wish I knew of the “stop being a putz” cure when my daughter had the swine flu.  Instead of Tamiflu, chicken soup and TLC, my husband cold have just smacked it out of her.  When my son got dehydrated and had to be hospitalized I should have just taken his video games away and sent him to his room.  I’m thinking this could extend to adults as well…it would end the health care crisis immediately.  Diabetes?  Stop being so selfish!  High Blood Pressure?  You’re so lazy!  Asthma?  Breathe like a man you wimp!  Brain Tumor?  I can’t believe how stupid you are.   Its the Great Santini School of Medicine!

I may have to have another contest- it seems so unfair to only pick one winner when the field is so vast… I gotta go though, my son has a cold so I have to spank him.  Good thing I keep an extra paddle in my womb…..
Posted by Elana Pate at 2/22/2013 9:44 PM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment
Its a bouncing baby kidney
Once again, republican lawmakers have completely baffled me.  They really oughtta get their stories straight before they start their anti-abortion cries. (or maybe just take an intro to anatomy and physiology class)

To review, so far the republicans insist that a zygote is a person and deserve all rights and privileges afforded to fully grown humans.  Some of them also believe that an embryo is “evidence” in rape cases.  Now they have a new classification.

Alabama State Representative Mary Sue McClurkin (R)  is pushing legislation that would impose restrictions on abortion clinics — a move that she argues is necessary because the procedure is a major surgery that removes the largest “organ” in a woman’s body.

The largest organ?!?  So my kids are organs?  Now that she mentions it, My son does kind of resemble a pancreas.  And my daughter has the sparkling personality of a lung.

Even if, in the bizarro world this freak lives in, a baby is an organ, she is still wrong, the skin is actually the largest organ of the human body.  But don’t tell Mary Sue…she’ll insists on shutting down all tattoo parlors.

While her statement confused me, she is the one that is befuddled beyond belief.  She is actually making a pro-choice argument.  Abortion is surgery, it is serious, it is a medical condition and just like you wouldn’t have your kidney removed in a back alley, a woman should be able to have an abortion in a safe medical facility.  Thanks Mary Sue!

Her colleague in Florida, state senator Charles Van Zandt introduced a bill which requires anyone performing an abortion to first sign an affidavit stating that he or she has no knowledge that the pregnancy is being terminated on the grounds of sex or race.  Strangely, this is not a problem in the US so one is left wondering why he is proposing legislation about it.  When Huffington Post called Mr. Van Zandt and asked why he was concerned with this despite the complete lack of evidence that there are any documented cases of female infanticide in the US, he was unable to provide any specific cases.  He also said- not kidding-   “It doesn’t matter.”  Huh.  If I hear one person who voted for this guy complain about government waste I’m afraid I will not be able to control myself!  It doesn’t matter!?!?!

Ok then.  Let’s introduce legislation that dinosaurs cannot be on the beach without a leash.  What’s that you say?  Dinosaurs are extinct?  It doesn’t matter!  Let’s write a bill outlawing time travel.  No such thing?  It doesn’t matter!  Let’s create a law insisting that all men must prove they are not pregnant before getting food stamps.  Men can’t be pregnant?  It doesn’t matter!!!

I actually feel badly for my republican friends.  They are being represented and lumped in with complete lunatics.  What’s astonishing is that these people are not only being defended by their base, they keep getting elected.  The good news is, the tide does turn.  Just ask Todd Akin.   I don’t think its gonna take a whole lot more rope before these cretins hang themselves.   As much as I would like to render these elected officials mute, I am reminded of Napoleon, who famously said, “never interrupt the enemy when they are making a mistake.”  So please Mary Sue, have at it.  Really Charles, please continue.  We all look forward to your mistake, I mean piece of legislation.







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